Letting go of a dream

Have you ever gotten to a point in life when you realize that the dreams you once had are gone? That you have had to give up on what you dreamed of since you were a small child?
Today was one of those days for me. It was one that started full of hope and anticipation, and was quickly interrupted by reality. Many of us dream of being appreciated and loved for who we are, where we are, not who we were or where we have been.
From the time I was a small child, I have always dreamed about being with the one person who would love me where I am, regardless of what I am going through. Someone who would love me whether on the up or down and anywhere in between. This dream has long been shattered, as who I am is not as important as what I am or where I have been or what I do. The saying you do not know what you have lost until it is gone has been my life long motto. So many people have said this to me.....I did not realize all that you did; all of your hard work is so missed now that you are gone; I did not know what I had until you were gone. How many times have you heard this from people in your past? I say past, because that is what this is about. Many people do not realize how important you are or the gifts that you have to offer until you are gone.
Several weeks ago I decided to leave the last twelve years behind me and move on into a new chapter in my life. Today, I realized how much I did and also that my contributions and value were not appreciated until today. And yet it seems too late for me....it seems that how I feel inside has been put into remission or hiding for so long, that I do not really know who I am or where I am. For so long I valued other people's opinions of who I am and the value that I felt I was worth came from other people. I have been so wrong about this. My value comes from God and what He thinks of me. I know in my deepest being that I am better than what I feel I am. That I am valued and appreciated far more than any human being can ever relay. Yet, yes there is a yet, I long for knowing how much I am appreciated and loved while here on earth.
For most of my life, I have fought for the love and affection of the people around me. I need their approval and acceptance to feel better about who I am. Right now, I am feeling pretty low and unappreciated and unloved. And no matter where I turn around me, I am not seeing the love and acceptance that God has for me. I am not seeing the love of God though other people. Yes, I feel alone and cold right now. At times, I have felt that if I disappear, will anyone notice? Yeah, that is pretty low. I have had many things dealt to me within the last few weeks that have cut me to the core and made me question my value and worth in the world. Perhaps at some later time I will go into them, but for now, no.
So, the dream I have let die - being loved for who I am, where I am, unconditionally. I know this is not too much to ask. If I am up or down or somewhere in between should not affect this love. I am who I am, regardless of where my emotional state is. My heart longs for this love. My heart knows that this love is real. My heart has given this love. My heart is longing to feel this love.
Letting go of a dream......some are easier than others. This one is not going down without a fight. My heart knows this love is real. My heart knows..........