Missing Mom

July 9, 1997 is a day that will forever be ingrained into my memory. It started as many mornings had for the past few weeks, checking in with my mom to see how she was doing. This day was different. I knew that her final days were here. But, even knowing this, I was not prepared for the words that I heard. When I called, her sister answered and said that she was not doing good and that I needed to get there right away. This was at 8:30 in the morning. Over the next few hours, I watched my mom lay peacefully in her bed, by the windows overlooking the lake. She had this look of contentment and happiness. She knew she was going home and that her battles here on earth were soon to end. Even in the middle of one of my biggest tragedies, I was witnessing one of God's miracles.
At 12:15 my dad arrived at her house. (Yes, they were divorced and got along better apart than together.) My mom waited for my dad to arrive, to know that her children would be protected, that their father was there for them. After she heard his voice, she went home. I will forever remember the peace and smile on her face. She was beautiful, she is beautiful.
As I mentioned, I was witnessing God's miracle here. I know this with every fiber of my body. About 15 minutes after she died, her two dogs (which were quite crazy and unruly) and her cat, were all sitting next to the chair by her bed, looking up at the same location, following, in unison. She was saying goodbye.
Over the years, I have had moments that are unexplainable. I have had moments when I know that she is here. She will always be with me, alive in my heart and my memory. She shaped who I am today and supported me unconditionally (even thought I did not come to know this until shortly before her death). She loved me for who I am, not who she expected me to be. She admitted her mistakes with me and our relationship grew stronger and more open. She was my mom and my best friend.
This Mother's Day, I am having a hard time. So, I have decided that I am going to her grave, to introduce my son to her. She would have loved my son more than her own kids and he would be so very spoiled. She did not get the chance to hold him, to embrace him and bestow him with love that only she could give. I know it will be an emotional day.