Who Rules? God or Self?

Who rules your life - self rule or God rule? Do you follow your own rules, do your own thing? Or, do you follow God's rules?
Here are some emotions that go along with self rule: frustration, bitterness, hatred, anger, jealousy, envy, sickness and death. Hmm, have you felt these? Yes
And, here are the ones that follow God rule: love, joy, peace, gentleness, meekness, right-ness, health and life. Hmm, have you felt these? Once again, yes.
The last few weeks, I have felt myself being pulled between the two. My heart's greatest desire is to follow God's rule at all times, regardless of the self rule. To hear God say "Well done good and faithful servant." And then there is the self rule. My self rule, it tries so hard to keep me down, to keep me boxed up and caged in. This is where my biggest battle ensues.
A few years ago, I did an intense bible study of Sermon on the Mount (which is my absolute favorite part of the bible!!). So, I went back to my notes and study guides. There are many words that popped of the pages at me, and this is one of the first - "The disciple of Jesus "must" utterly deny, disown, and crucify (nail to an execution stake) "self". Yes, I must deny, disown and crucify the self. Why? Why must I crucify the self? It is the self that is my greatest enemy and is the source of all that is wrong with me. That is why. The self must be dealt with before my discipleship can be genuine, without hypocrisy, pretense and shame. The self is the source (instrument) of all my sin.
Who rules my life: God or self? Am I self-centered or Christ-centered? Which rules my life, flesh or spirit? How I would love to say that it is always the Spirit, God, and Christ. I cannot say that without being full of pretense and hypocrisy. On a daily basis, I must deny the 'self' and accept the reality of my own fault(s). I must continually examine myself, see my faults, and confess my faults. It is by this daily examination that I will be able to be set free. By turning the self over to God daily, I can be set free from what condemns me and holds me back from being all that God created me to be.
To be a true disciple, to be a genuine disciple, calls for genuine decisiveness. Which are we, the old or the new? The old, self-dominated, or new Christ-dominated? When we continue to examine and confess or faults, we can be set free. When we continually go to God with our faults and give Him our self, we are set free. When we follow His rule, we are free. With the 'end' of our struggles, comes our 'beginning'.