Honoring Honor

God honors honor. It's being said all over church right now, God honors honor.
This past weekend was about honor in the home. This hit me hard. Have I been giving honor? Have I been receiving honor? One of the most difficult things to do is to look truthfully at yourself, to take that inventory of yourself, of who you are and who you were. In order to grow, you need to look back and leave it there.
There are some things that are hard to leave behind, as the hurt and pain runs so deep. Some of the hurts are new, ones I have never encountered before. Ones that bring me into uncharted territory. At times I feel like I am out here, treading water alone. That it is hard to share how I feel with others. Some have told me that I will make it through, I am strong. Others have said I need to pray more and leave it with God. And still others have said nothing and withdrawn themselves from me. Yes, I am strong, with God. Yes, I have left it with God. Yes, I am praying more. And yes, I am reaching out for help and support.
I want to be able to honor. I need to honor, regardless of the dishonor I receive. This is so very hard to do. My selfish side says to withhold and treat them the way I am treated. Then the Godly side says to honor them, regardless of how they treat me. This brings to mind Luke 6:31, "Do to others as you would have them do to you" and Matthew 7:12, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you."
I have the general nature to treat others with kindness and compassion. Honor them for who they are, not what I want them to be. It is easier to do this to people outside of my home. It is hardest to do within the home. And this also brings up the question, how long do you continue to honor someone who does not honor you? How long do you continue to respect someone who does not respect you? And, how do you love someone who does not love you? I've heard all of these questions before. And when I look to the Bible, I find the answers.
One of my favorite parts of the Bible, Matthew 5 - 7, Sermon on the Mount, tells us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Okay, not so easy to do. And, it tells us if someone strikes one cheek, to turn to them the other. Okay, again, not so easy to do. It also tells us not to judge others, for the same measure that you use, it will also be used against you. Ouch. How many times have I been caught in this one?
Over and over, forgiveness is spoken. Well, how do you forgive such a large hurt? How do you get to that point? I do know that forgiveness frees me from condemnation. A lack of forgiveness keeps me caged up, not the person I am unwilling to forgive. I would like to say that I have this one down and it is easy for me to do. I do not. I am human. I have moments of weakness and self-pity and sometimes like to wade in the hurt too long. It does me not good to do this, I know. Yet, at times, I find myself there. And there are other times when I push myself into forgiveness and do not allow myself to feel the emotions that go along with the hurt and the forgiveness. I have found that doing this only makes it harder later, makes it harder to forgive something little, something trivial.
So where am I with honor in the home? Not so sure. I do know that I need to work on this area. I know that I need to receive honor as well. I also know that it is hard to honor when my emotional account is extremely overdrawn. It is hard to give when there is nothing there to draw from.
I keep going back to Matthew 7:12 and Luke 6:31. I keep going back to God for His guidance and His direction, His knowledge and His will for my life. Because it is through Him that all things are possible.